There's a First Time for Everything
by Mrs. B
Summary: its a funny short story about the sorting hat and its boo-boo.


Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my weird idea for this story, which some other people have probably already thought of, but oh well! Hehehehe…  
  
A/N: I made this for fun! So don't judge, eat fudge! (don't ask, I'm hyper, so sue me… not really though! I'm broke!)  
  
"HUFFLEPUFF!"  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
"RAVENCLAW!"  
  
"RAVENCLAW!"  
  
"SLYTHERIN!"  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
"GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
"SLYTHERIN!"  
  
"HUFFLEPUFF!"  
  
The name's Hat, Sorting Hat. Yeah, James Bondish I know, but it sounds cool right? Well, you all know me. I love my job. Sitting in a closet, writing my little poems for the little first years to listen to when they first come here, to lovely Hogwarts… Lovely my butt. Do you REALLY think I'd say THAT word? My sentiments exactly. Anyway. This is my job. I probe the minds of the new students, and based on what I find, I decide where to put them, I decide where they could succeed…I decide their future…*evil cackle* Yeah, okay. Enough of that. Back to me, myself, and I. I love being me. Dumbledore's as cool as headmaster's come. I should know. I sit in his office closet and listen to all the stuff that goes on. And when it comes to that Harry Potter? That kid gets himself into more jams than I've ever eaten… yeah, I know, not funny. But I'm not trying to be funny, I mean, its not like I'm ever going to be a stand-up comedian on…what's that American show? Saturday Night Live, that's it! I'm a freaking hat!  
  
But you think I'm perfect, right? That I've never been wrong, right? Well, I have.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Jarvis McFarley was a truthful, loyal, and patient friend. He could never do anything hurtful on purpose to his friends. Even when they caused him grief, and pain, and humiliation, he took it in stride. But he was used too. And he was oblivious to it. So, when he was 11, he was a first year, and admitted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
  
That was the year when all hell had broken loose for me. Everything in the closet was in chaos. The books were out of order, some screaming, others biting at me, the dust mites were hyper, more so than usual, however. But me? I was just me, just the Sorting Hat, Mr. Always-puts-the-kids-in-their- correct-houses. Yep, that was me. Can you tell that I was in just a little bit of a bad mood? Naw, me either. So anyway.  
  
I knew something had to be done, something that would prove to everyone that they couldn't count on me, rely on me to be perfect all the time. I hate that word…Perfect… sounds too much like Prefect… Prefects are Perfect… sorry- back to the subject: Me.  
  
So, when I was placed on this little boys' head, I probed his mind as usual. I saw that all he wanted to do was to be sorted into any house but Slytherin. When I asked 'Why not Slytherin,' he had responded, "Because they're evil!"  
  
So what did I do?  
  
"SLYTHERIN!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Evil, I know. But can you blame me? *Everyone throws things at him* Okay, so you can blame me. Don't get too carried away though!  
  
I felt horrible afterwards; truly, I did. I had never done such a despicable, horrible deed in all of my life. Okay, so there was that time when… oh wait. Children are listening…  
  
I told Dumbledore of course. How could I not? The guilt was overwhelming. I made McGonagall take me to him, and then asked him if we could go to his office and talk. And when I told the man, I thought for sure he'd reverse the spell, and go back to letting his Phoenix use me as a beak shiner. But all he did was listen to my story, as you little hats are doing now. And he sat in that chair afterwards, watching me, staring intently down upon me, with his chin propped up on an arm. Just watching, quietly, for what seemed like eternity.  
  
Finally, he picked me up, brought me back out to what I affectionately call the Mess Hall, and put me back on my stool.  
  
"Attention students! I have an announcement to make. It seems our little hat here has had a horrible year, and was having a mid-cap crisis. Please listen to what he has to say."  
  
So I told them also. But I cut it down quite a bit, like, to the part where I made a mistake, on purpose, and put Jarvis McFarley in Slytherin, instead of Hufflepuff where he belonged.  
  
At this announcement, the young Hufflepuff leaped up from where he was sitting, and bounded over to his rightful table, where he was welcomed into with open arms, and mouths seeing as how everyone had been eating.  
  
I was then put back into the closet until the next year. Of course, I got a well-deserved talking to the next year by McGonagall, but I didn't mind. She's always got something up her butt, this time it was me.  
  
The lesson, dear little caps?  
  
NEVER EVER TRY SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN FRONT OF A PERSON LIKE MCGONAGALL.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Its short, it's done, its over with. Liked it? Loved it? Hated it? R/R it! Please? Its right there! Look, right there in the left corner… yeah that's the spot! You know you wanna! =) 


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